Well, it is finally happening. Part of me is somewhat excited and another part wondering why I’ve agreed to enter my pieces in the exhibition of small works.
It isn’t that I see myself becoming a well known artist as much as knowing that I only have so much time here on earth and wonder if I’m using my time wisely–especially when I see that my supplies take up almost half of the space in my small south facing apartment.
Today I was at lunch with my oldest brother who IS a famous artist. My youngest son was with me and because my brother and I have participated in the Sweat Lodge Ceremony and he has supported two of my four fasts, he picks up on the slightest tone in my voice. He wanted to know, “What’s up?”
What came up for me was how before my 15 month journey, I’d still pulled energy–self-worth, from his fame. I felt guilty admitting this to him and at the same time a great sense of relief. He understood and without rejecting him for my shortcomings, it was good to speak the truth because it requires that of me, and then the gift of freedom that truth brings.
I paint because it provides a way to express the inner most experiences with God. It can be a form of truth-telling.