|Geronimo’s Wife 12″x9″ mixed media on 98lb Canson mix media paper|
Finding one’s true, authentic self is not accomplished by thought. My contrived, adapted self has taken years of psychological construction. Thought, emotion, behaviour, belief and survival. A mixed soul media. To choose love, to choose forgiveness is to let go of the construct of self. To die.
Lately, dying to self has been a painful experience. University degrees, capability, knowledge and experience all driven by the want for justice has had consequences. The recent and sudden loss of my children’s father has pressed me further into the depths, beneath the cold surface that David Whyte writes of in “Tilicho Lake.” The journey that one must make to find the “true self” that Father Richard Rohr writes of in his book “Immortal Diamond.” It is painful to see what my constructed self has done–the casualties of war in want for justice. And to choose death. To choose letting go of all that I’ve constructed myself to be in my want for justice. There is pain in death, in seeing. And the Hope of Resurrection. A rhythmic swelling from the heartbeat of Eternal love. To be in that heart beat. To be that heart beat.
First layer of gesso, Golden titanium white, titan buff and phthalo turquoise. Second mod podge transfer and raw umber mixed with raw sienna sketches. Third acrylic transfer and layers of panpastel, and acrylic. Finally, writing the poem “They Have Threatened Us with Resurrection” by Julia Esquivel.